depression – Johann Quisumbing

Where does my JOY come from? (Part 7 of 8)

In 1990, I became ‘born again’ and I wish I could cite the hundreds of Bible verses that speak of what I gained when God sealed me with His Spirit. However, for this part of my self story of where my joy come from, there is one verse that I’ll focus on that is pertinant, Galatians 5:22-23.

On the first five years of my walk with the Lord, I underwent what I call the ‘School for Baby Christians’. Let me tell you, in that school, I learned a lot about the Holy Spirit and He taught me like a mentor. And one important lesson was that the Holy Spirit is real and not a figment of my imagination nor the brainwashing of others. You see, when the Spirit of God entered me, there was proof according to the Apostle Paul, the inspired author of Galatians, who wrote that “the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” [Galatians 5:22-23 NLT]

To emphasize this lesson, God took very good care of me like a mother hen who had gathered her chicks under her wings. I recall in those early years that I hardly underwent any negative effects of any trials that came our way (that is, my wife and I). It was like all life problems were suspended, at least for a short period of time. We were blessed. One aspect of His blessing was the incredible sense of peace I had. Where once the thought of death scared me, I had peace because I know where I’ll go when my time comes. As to anxiety and stress, well, one time, my wife returned with the news the our car was rear ended. My wife was upset but I was unusually jovial about the whole incident. One of the things I noticed was how much I can love unconditionally especially to those who the world would deem unloveable. I was even more impressed by how the Spirit worked on my self-control through which I became a disciplined student. I wish I became born again during my college days. I was such a lousy student then. Other hard trials happened, but instead of emotionally breaking down, the Spirit helped me learned and I grew in faith. So, much so, when the time came, I was ready to fly on my own.

In 1994, the bottom fell off from under me. That was the year, when the peso’s value went so low, I lost a lot of work in the broadcast production business. For awhile, my wife and my savings was down to a few thousand pesos and we had bills and rent to pay. You can imagine, how my mind tried to play tricks with discouraging thoughts. What sustained me emotionally was a promise of God in the Bible’s Old Testament. It read like this. “Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do.” [Joshua 1:8 NLT] So, I did. I continued my daily meditation of the Bible and went to numerous Bible Study classes. Some thought I was wasting my time. I was even approached by a family member who took my Bible from my hand and slammed it on the table in front of me and said, ‘it will not put food in-front of me.’ Funny though, the Bible did feed me, so to speak.

One lesson I learned was that God always keep His promises. Less than a month after our bank account went very low, first my wife got hired on a new job and then, money (when needed and unlooked for) would come our way from unexpected sources. You see, by faith I acted upon on Joshua 1:8 and as promised, the Lord prospered me, so to speak.

I have been now walking with the Lord for more than 25 years and I have yet to be disappointed in how the Lord had led my life direction. Sure, it could seem to others that my life story was heading downhill. Since 1994, I have not been able to gain work (except for sporadic projects). Then in 2001, my body started to slow down to a point where I began to depend on an electric scooter. I graduated to a joystick controlled chair when my left arm… my working arm… lost all strenght in 2010. Then my legs gave out and I needed another machine to transfer me from my bed to my chair. By 2015, excruciating pain invaded my body and I was diagnosed that my spinal cord was being dangerously compressed. Today, it is 2018 and I am a quadriplegic unable to be independently mobile like in the old days.

I could be depressed but I choose to be grateful and joyful… an after effect of a Spirit filled life.

Until the next post,

Johann Q

NLT – New Living Translation

Where does my JOY come from? (Part 1 of 8)

By every right, I should be a bitter and a miserable person. At my first birthday, I was struck down by polio which almost killed me. Instead, it had rendered me visibly crippled. I remembered as a child being ridiculed and teased by street children because of my limp. At school I was refered to as a walking living skeleton because I was all skin and bones. Bullies in school always targeted me as an easy prey. I struggled doing the things that many take for granted. I have missed out on a lot of things because of disability. Then, on the twilight of my years, I have again been struck down with a disabilitating condition that had left me a quadriplegic for the rest of my life. Yes, I should be wretchedly unhappy and should be pitied. But yet, I am far from being wretched. In fact, my thoughts are always joyful even as I lay in my bed paralyzed.

How could this be? My whole life, I was always happy. Of course, I take no credit for this. It may have been because my brothers and sisters always treated me like I (and my sister who also caught polio) were normal. Today, I believe that my family has always been an important factor in something bigger. My grandmother (in my mother’s side) had repeatedly told me that my happiness was from God and that He had a plan for me. Now, I was still young and the thought that God had a plan for me was beyond my understanding. I have to admit that in my youth, my thoughts of God was often fleeting. By the time I reached adulthood, my attitude toward God was almost that of a modern skeptic. In college, I would argue with Christians, not about God’s existence, but of their convictions on other things. (I’ll talk about this in another post.) As the thought of God waned in the recesses of my mind, my unusual bubbly attitude in life undeservingly was still strong in me. It carried me through my 20s and 30s. However, a dark cloud had been infringing at the borders of my happiness. Yet still, my happy go lucky attitude was still there through my early married life. Then my life took an interesting turn and God came back into the picture. If you think I was such a happy person in the past, that is nothing compared to the kind of joy… a heavenly JOY that the Lord had magnified in my life today. It is this JOY that sustains me regardless my situation.

I’ll leave it there for now.

Until the next post,

Johann Q

How can independent mobility be good for mental health?

Imagine this scenario – You were going through a park and meeting a man who recently suffered a stroke. He was being pushed around on a wheelchair by a hired caregiver. In that first meeting, his demeanor was light and friendly. Some months later, you ran into the same man. He was sitting by himself in his wheelchair under a tree. His caregiver was talking to someone else about 40 feet away. At first, you thought he was a different person, but then you recognized him as the same guy. Unfortunately, his appearance was of someone whose demeanor was totally opposite from when you first met him. He was slouching to one side with his head drooping. His face was sullen, skin blotchy, drawn in close to the bone and deep bags under the eyes. Then, there are the eyes that can only be described as sad… unhappy… bereaved of joy.

Of course, that is just a scenario. However, I have seen these eyes many many times. I have seen it in the eyes of the poor who gave up hope. I have seen it in the eyes of the abandoned paralyzed patients of an undermanned charity hospital waiting just to die. I have seen this in the eyes of our senior citizens doomed to waste away knowing they have lost control of their most basic independence… mobility under their own control.

At first, I could not understand how frustrating it can be to be totally dependent on someone to push me around in a wheelchair. Until I found myself in similar situation. Now, I am usually a good-natured guy but lately whenever my caregiver take me out, I always end up being a tiny tyrant of a ‘backseat-driver’. I’m constantly telling my caregiver to go here, to angle there, to suddenly stop and back up because I just spotted something. One thing I hate the most, is whenever something neat is happening I am facing the wrong way and the caregiver is always late to respond. It has gotten to a point where I enjoy staying in bed more where at least I have some control of my computer. (Of course, that is for another story.) In the long run, I really hate being ‘pushed around’, so to speak. Who does?

Depression and self-pity are things quadriplegics have to face and battle with everyday. But by God’s grace, technology has come a long way to provide us ways to improve the quality of life. In Youtube, I have viewed other quadries like myself living happilly and with renewed vigor on their hi-tech wheelchairs. I have a choice. I either wallow in self-pity and eventually succomb to depression. Or I use my God-given gift and do my very best to improve my current state of things. The draw-back is the very high prices of the equipment needed.

My challenge is to raise the funding so that I too can become useful and productive not just for myself but for others. So, I again plea for help to raise the money so that I can be independently mobile. Thank you.

Until the next post,

Johann Q

Please help me go mobile, donate at or share this link to others: https://www.gofundme.com/quadriplegic-needs-mobility